My 9-year-old rottweiler, Monty, can no longer run six miles on asphalt, so I run alone. Sometimes with music. Sometimes in silence. Today’s a music day. Mp3? Check. Running shoes? Check. Gloves? Check. And because it’s a music day, I would also need Kleenex. Check.
I started my run out of Ceperely Park and warmed up with Third Eye Blind’s I Want You. I cruised past Lost Lagoon to Citizen Cope’s My Way Home. I thought I’d be pinballing around thousands of people for such a sunny Saturday. But, no, it wasn’t crowded. I ran under the Georgia Street overpass and popped up onto the beginning of the seawall at Coal Harbour just as my third song started. [cue music] Dear Prudence … won’t you come out to play-ey-eh Dear Prudence … greet the brand new day-ey-eh My chest tightened. Already? Right out of the gate, eh? I ran around the Vancouver Rowing Club and the sunshine widened to hug the marina, the glass buildings, the harbour and sea planes. And me. I knew the next few lines were going to do it. I kept running. The sun is up, the sky is blue, it’s beautiful, and so are you. Dear Prudence … won’t you come out to play? Yep, here we go! Behind my sunglasses, my eyes filled with tears. As my chest continued to tighten, I could no longer breathe just through my nose. I opened up my mouth and gasped to choke back the tears. I breathed in. It’s like every happy memory of the Beatles, the sunshine and the seawall got funneled down into my heart all at once. Hell, maybe it was every joy-filled experience I've ever had, ever. I kept running. Dear Prudence … open up your eye-ah-eyes Dear Prudence … see the sunny skie-ah-ies The wind is low, the birds will sing, that you are part of everything Dear Prudence ... won't you open up your eyes I don’t remember exactly when I started to tear up during a run, sometime in the last two years. It happens in the rain too. Usually with music but sometimes without. It doesn't happen every run but when the spontaneous elements all join together in perfection, it comes. I welcome it and I'm grateful for it. Look a-round round {round round round}…. Look a-round round round… look a-round {ahhhh-ahhh-ahhh-ah} I did wonder why though. And when I saw Dr. Brene Brown’s TED seminar called the Power of Vulnerability, it started to make sense. She talks about how when faced with difficult negatives feelings like fear, disappointment or grief, we don’t want to feel them and often choose to numb them. Her research shows that we cannot selectively numb. So if we numb the hard feelings, she says, we also numb joy, happiness and gratitude. Dear Prudence … let me see you smile Dear Prudence … like a little chi-ah-ild The clouds will be, a daisy chain, so let me see, you smile again Dear Prudence…won’t you let me see you smile? This made sense to me. I don’t think I was aware of my feelings in my 20’s, numbed them in my early to mid-30’s and learned how to explore and feel, especially subtleties of fear, in my late 30’s and early 40’s. Do shit that scares you and you'll feel more joy. Who knew? Dear Prudence ... won't you come out to play Dear Prudence ... meet the brand new day-ey-eh The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful, and so are you. Dear Prudence ... won't you come out to play I felt the joy. And then I blew my nose. This was going to be a great run. Photo by Gobierno de la Ciudad de Buenos Aires Comments are closed.
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